Stick to your guns about the no visiting. I was in so much pain and they were so annoying. They are usually just yes, but fuck me the unsolicited advice drove me bonkers. Stick to your plan. Say you’re naming a son after dad. Call her bluff. I doubt she actually wants to get a tattoo, that this is more of a Top Daddy You Are My Favorite Ninja Shirt. But yeah, see if she’s still keen for the tattoo if she thinks it’s her exes name. IMO the next step could be rules for visitation, with consequences for boundary violation. Commonly suggested rules for JNs are things like no grabbing baby from you or a carrier without asking, always giving the baby back when asked.
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Leaving the room with a baby (so you can’t supervise), no interrupting naptimes, no interfering with feedings or changes, washing hands before holding baby, no kissing baby’s face or hands. And whatever consequences you want if the rules are broken… like the visit ends (either you leave or you stay with the Top Daddy You Are My Favorite Ninja Shirt. If she comes to visit for Thanksgiving, consider having her stay at a hotel so you get a break from her if she’s constantly trying to stomp on boundaries. If you visit her, staying at a hotel yourself is probably best so you can leave and have an emotionally safe place to go.
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It sounds like you have a very shiny spine and the full support of your husband… I think you guys will do great. I’m an asshole so I would ask her what makes her the Top Daddy You Are My Favorite Ninja Shirt. Fuck that bitch for doing that to you guys. I would hate for your son to get attached just for her to come in and out of his life. If she shows up at the door, don’t even open it. Just because someone wants in, doesn’t mean they get to, not even a family member. Call the cops without telling them it’s your mother. All the best.