The truth is, I do. All the time, when I feel the need. It’s not when I’m flat out at work with a line down the Funny You Inspire My Inner Sepial Killer Shirt. I’ve got IDs to check, I need to assess every one of these prospective patrons for intoxication, there’s a guy there that’s been thrown out tonight for fighting and he’s bitching at me every five minutes to get let back in, and he’s only got a few more in him before he tried to assault me, there’s another guy over there who’s permanently barred for brawling every week so I have to keep my eye on him too like I’m some fucking chameleon with independent eyes, every other bastard out here is complaining about it taking so long to get in, and you’re out drinking and having the time of your life expecting me to stand here grinning like an idiot to make you happy.
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I try not to. Like…I am really jealous of people who can keep a straight face. But when someone says that they will make me smile/laugh, it is so easy to not. I once had a teacher in middle school say her goal was to make me smile. …she didn’t meet her Funny You Inspire My Inner Sepial Killer Shirts (though now that I am older and understand that the teacher meant the best and all I kinda feel bad). Last winter I went off-roading with my then-boyfriend. We had stopped around a big bonfire with a ton of people, but I maybe knew 3. My boyfriend had gone off to chat with a friend, so I was standing in a circle of people, next to someone I kind of knew. Just listening to the conversation, not having a bad time or anything.
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