Looking at the book’s cover, I immediately feel a warm sense of reassurance as my eyes light upon the weighty gold All I Need Is This Plant And That Other Plant And Those Plants Over There Shirt off of LuAnn’s neck, a dozen jewel-toned baubles dangling haphazardly and drawing my attention away from the slight hint of cleavage exposed by her fitted salmon scoop-neck. It is 2009 again, and I am eager to return. At least for the next 258 pages — to a simpler time. A time when the Black Eyed Peas reigned, a year when the VMAs were Kanye’s biggest controversy, an era when was still rightfully titled with her well-deserved Countess honorific. And possibly a time before the invention of sarcasm, if this quote on the back cover gives any indication. It would take a lot to convince me that this review was. Given with anything less than complete ironic disdain.
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I could have copied it word-for-word into my own book report and no one would have been the wiser. A hearty cheers to you, Simon Doonan, although it feels a bit unsettling to be shown up. So early in my, All I Need Is This Plant And That Other Plant And Those Plants Over There Shirt. Nevertheless, I must admit that I’m eager to learn how I myself can become more sassy and alluring, so I open to the Introduction (“How Does a Countess Come to Be on Reality TV?”) and begin to read. LuAnn begins by sharing with us the reason she felt so compelled to write the volume I hold before me. Since the first season of The Real Housewives of New York City began to air. What to wear to know what to say, from table manners to how to radiate confidence.
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