This. If you want to check in with someone, ask if they’re enjoying themselves, or if they’re okay. If someone is just naturally a quiet person, asking why they’re quiet feels like an implied criticism of who they are as an Official Give Me Your Hand Shirt. There is no answer they can give that will satisfy you, and you’ll just make them feel self-conscious. I agree, but I would add that it’s so much less uncomfortable when you ask them if they are having fun privately instead of in front of the group. Cause even this question makes me worry that I look like I’m not having fun and not participating as much as they want me to. I’ll get something like “no you’re fine” or “no I’m enjoying it” and feel comfortable continuing.
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If you really want to be more welcoming, focus on that one person and try to figure out if they actually feel left out, or if they’re fine just Official Give Me Your Hand Shirt. And if you can’t work that out, do nothing. then why don’t you ask “am i annoying you?” or if you want us to say something ask “what are your thoughts on this?” I wouldn’t even interpret “why are you so quiet” as trying to. Get me to talk I would think they are saying “you are weird go away”. I don’t hang around people I don’t like so usually me being there means. I have a good impression of you and I like you. but if you ask me that question I’m probably going to avoid you from then on.
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