OP, you and your wife raised an amazing woman. That she trusted your input shows she was brought up in a very loving and healthy family. You raised her to be her own person, and to have the strength to face life’s difficult decisions. You gave her the strength of Top Country Roads Take Me Home Shirt. I’m sure that it never came up on purpose. It’s much harder for her to escape a marriage vs an engagement. Her ex-fiance was most likely planning to drop this all on her after he already trapped her in the marriage. It’s not that uncommon in abusive relationships, unfortunately. This is my exact take and what bums me out so much about this one. Ex knew that he and the daughter wanted different things for SEVEN YEARS.
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But his solution was just going to be to pull a switcheroo on her after she was stuck with him. So shitty. The fact that op was told to keep this info from their daughter makes it pretty clear this was intentional and they (ex-fiancé and his parents) were planning on. Keeping all this to themselves until she was well and properly trapped. You’d be surprised – some people seem Top Country Roads Take Me Home Shirt, and moreover they want them to. For example, a guy might like a strong independent girlfriend who earns her own money, but he expects his wife to be meek, defer to him, and just live for her children. Happens with women’s expectations of men too, of course. Quite often it’s because they ultimately want the marriage they grew up seeing their parents have.